Columbia Lakes Golf Adventure

I call it an adventure because it really was. My brother-in-law bought a Groupon for a weekend stay, with golf included, at Columbia Lakes Resort. None of us knew where West Columbia, Texas, was located, and with limited website information, we didn’t know what to expect.

The Groupon was supposed to be for a stay in a standard cottage suite, but they were booked, so they upgraded us to the two-bedroom executive cottage suite. Where do I begin? The description on the website is not accurate. They are sure to list granite countertops, but leave out the fact that a full oven is provided, leading people to believe they’ll only have a refrigerator and microwave for the weekend. Perhaps it’s so they can generate some more customers at Mulligans, the absolute worst restaurant on Earth (I’ll fill you in on that in just a bit.).

Although completely renovated, they kept the nasty, silk (non-washable) comforters. Aside from the rock hard beds and gross linens, the cottage was perfect for the four of us and two large dogs. The cottages are spaced far enough apart so that everyone has a nice yard (great for the dogs to run around).

For our first meal, we decided to eat at the casual restaurant on the property, Mulligans, on Friday night. We walked in, found menus at the counter and waited there to order. Then, a lady came up and told us we could sit and she’d take our order. We made our way to a picnic table, and noticed, despite all the cottages looking occupied, there were only two tables of people in the restaurant. Red flag!

I think our order was pretty simple, but our waitress was obviously flustered. We ordered a double bacon cheeseburger, a bacon cheeseburger, chicken quesadillas and chicken tenders, with a side of Texas toothpicks (who knows what those were). Three people ordered tea, and when it didn’t come after 20 minutes, they realized maybe they needed to serve themselves. That’s when the cook came out of the kitchen to say, “it’s gonnabeawhile.” It was indeed awhile. It took almost two hours to get our food!

After all that waiting, I wanted to cry when I received a burger that looked like it came from the free lunch program at school. But, they were true to their name. They took a Mulligan, and my brother-in-law’s burger came out 10 minutes later looking like a masterpiece…

My sister got her quesadillas shortly after that, but only after they accused her of not ordering quesadillas. Our waitress had to ask her how to spell ‘quesadilla’ when she ordered it. Enough about Mulligans. Don’t eat there.

The next morning we headed straight to the golf course (who knows how long it takes to get breakfast tacos at Mulligans). We had a 9 am tee time and didn’t see a soul until 11 am. Weird, right? I really liked the course. It was a little rough around the edges, much like the rest of Columbia Lakes, but not bad enough to be deserted on a Saturday.

My sister and I had enough fun after nine holes (I’m not sure how I ever played 18!), so we headed in to check out the clubhouse and then went to the pool.

So Caddyshack!

After we had cooled off, we all showered and planned on a “country club casual” night at Columbia Lakes. However, when we got to the restaurant, there were a whopping two people inside, so we decided to find a place off the property to eat. First, we stumbled upon Belle’s Landing

Belle’s Landing had somewhat of a rough crowd and no food, so we had one drink and wandered around until we found Elmo’s, pretty much the only restaurant in town. Online, Elmo’s is reviewed as “quaint and charming.” Um, it’s in an old Dairy Queen building. It was pretty good if you have no other options, and the girls at the front counter were super sweet.

Seriously stuffed after that, we went home for some girls vs. boys Bezzerwizzer!

Things to bring if you go:

  • your own food to cook
  • oven mitts
  • dishwashing detergent
  • liquid hand soap
  • paper towels
  • cups
  • plates
  • bowls
  • utensils
  • sponges
  • toilet paper
  • towels
  • sheets and comforters
  • games

Five stars for fun. Two stars for accommodations. The place has it all:  cottages, golf, country  club, spa, pool, restaurants…but something was missing. People! None of us could figure out why it wasn’t a bustling vacation spot. From Houston, it only takes an hour to get there. It was like they won the Top Resort in Texas award, twenty years ago, and then stopped maintaining it. Which brings up the biggest question- have you ever had a great experience with a Groupon?




3 thoughts on “Columbia Lakes Golf Adventure

  1. Pingback: So Long Summer | KiKiMac

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